you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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