Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After tacos, we're chasing women.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
