i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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