great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
