i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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