what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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