Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
