I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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