We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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