Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
