Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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