I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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