Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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