What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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