So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
