I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
