Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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