Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
