i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
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