I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
