So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
