So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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