Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
