My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Randomize
