why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
