How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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