And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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