Your mouth is God's brothel.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
