Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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