you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
