I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
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i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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