You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
