I'm going to jail i love you
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
