i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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