I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
