He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
