I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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