i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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