when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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