the condom got lost in my hair
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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