she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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