i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
