curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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