I feel great
I just peed on a car
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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