So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
