It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
