if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
