the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
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Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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