guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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