This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
