are you so shy because you have an std?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
they call him Oral-B. enough said
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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