ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
