GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
