Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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