i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
