I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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