god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
