i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
