When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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