The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
