She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
