There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
