He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize