i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
