I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
